A Remote Love Affair

Photo by Ry Young (stock.xchng)

We lost our Dish remote over a year and a half ago.  We looked high and low for that thing, and ended up buying a universal remote.  This morning it was just sitting there on the coffee table.  I guess it thought it could return like nothing had ever happened.  But when it decided it bury itself in some mysterious location over a year ago, I felt the sting of its loss. 

First of all, universal remotes don’t work well with Dish receivers, so we couldn’t replace it with any old remote from Wal-Mart.  And Dish would take a week to ship a new one.  So it was off to Radio Shack to pick up a replacement.  Otherwise, my DVR recordings would remain trapped.

But the remote wasn’t thinking of those poor recordings.  Let me explore the wonders between these cushions!  What can I find in this dark, unreachable crevice?  As I stood contemplating its replacements, anger burned within me.  How could I have ever loved such a self-centered, uncaring…oh, the pain of betrayal. 

Then there was that whole awkward readjustment phase.  The Dish remote had felt comfortable and natural in my hand – like an extension of me.  Now, I fumbled self-consciously with the buttons.  I pushed one and the devices all came to life, another and the TV turned blue.  Red-faced, I sat stiffly next to it…maybe this new relationship wasn’t going to work.  Oh, how I longed for that sweet Dish remote, how I wished it would return to me.

But now time has passed.  The universal remote is now comfortably ensconced in my life.  We have this symbiotic relationship – harmony, pure bliss.  And Dish…I can’t even imagine why I liked you in the first place.  So go back to your crevices and cracks; go explore your mystical land of “Where the heck did that thing go!”  You’re not wanted.  You’re not needed.  You’ve been replaced!



  1. I really enjoyed this post! You really have a talent for writing. I will be revisiting to read more!

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